Whoomp! There It Is.

1 May

May 1, 2013



In this interview with Ellen, Diane Keaton is like my mom with chardonnay during Dancing With the Stars. (Drunk.)

Everything Beyonce does is just a barrage of hair, hips and giant wing-flaps. Despite understanding this, I think I was just hypnotized into buying a bikini top with an attached cape from H&M.

“Luckily, the 80-year old had a colonoscopy scheduled,” and this is probably the only time a colonoscopy was lucky for anyone.

Khloe Kardashian is the only K from the Klan I could ever imagine being friends with and she looks GOOD, y’all. She could stand to get rid of the platform Timbs, but other than that, I would totally buy whatever non-FDA-approved diet pill she’s been using.

Brad Goreski gives fashion advice to the Game of Thrones characters. Who else wants to see Joffrey embrace his inner Liberace??!!


If Twitter is the new resume, I hope potential employers aren’t offended by my affinity for CAPSLOCK (and/or the word “fuck”).

Stop trying to make Rita Ora happen, Gretchen Elle.

I hate this because I live this and in case you care, I’m currently in the final stages of West Nile Monkey Flu.

This is what you get for trying a healthy alternative. Poop. You get poop.

RIP George Jones and EL Konigsburg.

Do Me

Brooklyn Flea Record Fair (Saturday, May 4: 11am @ the Williamsburg Waterfront): Get there early while the picks are still pretentious!

Run the Cinco de Mayo 5K on Sunday (Prospect Park, 11am) and then go eat your weight in queso dip.

Orrrrr maybe just skip the run and go straight for The Thrillest Taco Knockout (1-5pm @ Villian in BK), where a $45 ticket gets you unlimited cervezas, unlimited micheladas & five tacos. Yeah. Skip the run.

Eat Me

Potato chip-covered mac and cheese: Creamy, crunchy, a super-tasty dish that I will undoubtedly make for my boyfriend while weeping over a salad.


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