Whoomp! There It Is.

24 Apr

April 24, 2013


New and Necessary Punctuation Marks: I can think of about 13 recent instances where I could have used Sarcastises and about every instance where a Morgan Freemark would be necessary.

Typical Coachella assholes acting like typical Coachella assholes. I had SO much fun at the Vaginal Revival Family Band, you guys.

This video of an adult son and his mother dancing together under water (with choreography, not like, freestyle flailing) made me cry before noon. It’s ADORABLE.

Ryan Lochte is the closest thing to a real life Zoolander this world has ever seen. And I’m real glad these news anchors are in on the joke.

I’m a sucker for books (so unique, right?) and movies about/made for teenagers. I do not feel like this is creepy or weird and OTHER ADULTS LIKE THEM TOO. Here’s a great list of teen movies based on books.


Kris Jenner is terrible enough to be the only thing I post about in this category this week. I do not care for her AT ALL and that is DEFINITELY the nicest way I could bring myself to say that. However, if she is, as she claims, the “Queen of Fucking Everything,” then I am also TERRIFIED of her vagina’s scepter and will Anne Frank myself in my apartment the next time she and her Klan of Krazy are in New York.

Do Me

Match Game ’13 @ The Canal Room (Thursday, April 25th @ 7:30pm): I might have to put everything about my life on hold to attend this event. Free custard, Jason Sudeikis (Ug. And my arch nemesis/his to-be-wedded wench, Olivia Wilde), Fred Armisen, TRIVIA and a Betty White look-a-like contest? I mean … You had me at free custard, but I’ll stay for the rest. (But on a serious note, the proceeds from this show will go to Dave Eggers’ writing program for kids and will be matched by Viacom, so please go and support young writers if you can!)

Pretend to be sophisticated and artsy and in-the-know by catching a flick at the Tribeca Film Festival. Don’t know where to start? Get informed here and for the love of everything holy, do NOT like a typical Coachella asshole. (April 17th – 28th)

Eat Me

Olive Oil, Saffron, Orange & Caramel Ice Cream: I feel like these things should never and always go together.

Slurp me, shuck me, fork me: Oysters! A tutorial on how to ingest those slimy little suckers.


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