HUNGRY, LAZY & PARANOID

22 Apr

April 22 – April 28, 2013

This is the working title of my memoir. Sike! I don’t get paranoid when I smoke pot. Not like my dudefriend who once took a giant rip from a homemade gravity bong, wrapped his arms around his knees and started rocking himself in a corner like schizo in a padded cell before announcing that his apron was strangling him. (We were baking banana bread. Also, he is a homosexual.)

The point being, Saturday was 4/20 and I forgot. Actually, my mom was in town, but that’s beside the point. What was my point again? Oh right — Pot! 4/20! The unofficially official holiday when people who regularly smoke weed get together with other people who regularly smoke weed and … smoke weed. Even if you’re not a smoker, you have to admit that a marijuana holiday celebration makes WAY more sense than whatever party would be thrown in honor of National Punctuation Day or like, Celebrity Doppelganger Day.

And like, Jah Bless for artistic freedom, right? Because there are SO many good songs about pot. 10,000 rappers can’t be wrong — That shit is delicious! At the very least, it’s better than bath salts. Nathan Rabin, the first head writer for The A.V. Club wrote that, “Like masturbation, pot is one of God’s great consolation gifts. Not everyone can experience non-chemically-induced happiness, but on the right night a few chocolate martinis and a couple hits from the bong can provide a more-than-passable imitation of genuine, non-chemically-induced contentment.” It can also give you the power to consume $22 worth of Taco Bell, but that’s another story for another day.

So in honor of 4/20, this week’s playlist is all about that sticky icky icky. The ganja, the cheeba, the fattie spliffs, the Purple Haze, the Blueberry Yum Yum, the big fucking blunts, Mary Jane, Alaskan Thunderfuck, cannabis sativa, that diggity dank devil weed, the dope, the doobie, the grass, the green, the wacky tobacky. You get it. And if you got it, smoke it. But if you don’t, then just consider this an Earth Day mix.

MORE IN MARIJUANA:

Ever wondered why stoners celebrate on April 20th every year?

Ever wondered exactly how marijuana works?

Have you ever seen the back of a twenty dollar bill … On weed, mannnn??!

If you’re interested in helping your kids preserve their brain tissue, get them started smoking early. Just kidding! But it IS less harmful than alcohol.

Instead of operating a vehicle to retrieve $22 worth of Taco Bell and going from relaxed and giggly to fat and pukey, maybe try one of these easy, cheap stoner treats instead.

Or get your gourmet on with this recipe for Sour Diesel Long Island Bluefish with Weed-Yogurt Sauce, Greens, and Chocolope Croutons. Maybe don’t smoke first though.

And for the Sober Sallys in the house, here are 10 magical foods that will make you happy without drugs!

This sciencey lady at the National Institute on Drug Abuse wants to tell you that drugs are bad, m’kay? I want to tell you that OMG HER FOREHEAD! You could literally fry an egg on that thing.

BONUS: Here’s a (truncated) list of celebrities who have admitted to/been caught smoking pot. And yes, I am aware that I left off like, pretty much all of the rap population. There just aren’t enough hours in the day. Oddly, I still don’t want to be friends with most of these people (Ron Weasley is an obvious exception to that statement):

Michael Phelps, Woody Harrelson, Willie Nelson, Frances McDormand, Seth Rogan, James Franco, Cameron Diaz, Drew Barrymore, Justin Timberlake, Kimora Lee Simmons, Nicole Richie, Paris Hilton, Snoop Dogg, Charlize Theron, Matthew McConaughey, Sarah Silverman, Barbara Streisand, Mischa Barton, Brad Pitt, Chelsea Handler, Zack Galifianakis, Bill Maher, Kristen Stewart, Justin Bieber, Rihanna, Miley Cyrus, Lindsay Lohan, Drake, Ryan Gosling, Kirsten Dunst, George Clooney, Susan Sarandon, Rupert Grint, Lil Wayne, Elijah Wood, Morgan Freeman, Natalie Portman, Kevin Smith, Adam Lambert, Whoopi Goldberg, Lady Gaga, Soulja Boy, Wiz Khalifa, Chris Brown, Bill Murray, Bill Clinton, George Bush, Barack Obama, Jennifer Aniston.

Hey wait! Check back on Wednesday for some mid-week goodness.

(Sources for Celebrity Smokers list include: Jezebel, Perez Hilton, 420 Magazine, Us Magazine, Business Insider)
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One Response to “HUNGRY, LAZY & PARANOID”

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Who’s Your Daddy? | High Fidelity - June 17, 2013

    […] And I’m not just saying that because he recently found this website and now knows that I once ate $22 worth of Taco Bell. When I was a wee lil’ bitch, like 6 or 7, I decided that I was over my hair on a day I was […]

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