Whoomp! There It Is.

10 Apr

April 10, 2013

Loves

Pick it, PAC it, fire it up! Two bros in Oregon have organized a Super PAC for the legalization of marijuana.

More proof that Mr. Rodgers was all things good. He gives all the fucks.

The Morning After Pill: Now available for everyone without the judgey looks!

David Sedaris is one of my literary idols, a fellow North Carolinian and someone I want to be friends with. His new hobby is picking up trash. Read this interview about said hobby and why he’s fine with eating horse meat.

I am totally going to watch this new Animal Planet series about river monsters. And then never get in the river again.

George Carlin was pretty much the best. Reddit unearthed this interview between him and a pre-Daily Show Jon Stewart (who is also pretty much the best) in 1997 — Right before Stewart started looking at things ON WEEEEED, MAN.

Kelly Oxford might just be my new spirit animal. If my spirit animal had kids and a husband. And a tan. (She has a book out.)

Hates

Hide yo’ kids, hide yo’ thighs: Twinkies are back. Ug! I can just HEAR you getting fatter, America.

OH GOD CANNOT UNSEE. Walt Jr. is trying to get his sexy on. Aunt Marie is still pretty freaked.

This was almost a “loves,” but I don’t need hate mail yet. C is for Crappy Day, which is what Cookie Monster is having after he shoved a small child in Times Square when the kid’s mom refused to tip him. Shame!

A fake Exxon Twitter account was shut down after Exxon told the teacher that they were getting made fun of for spilling SO MUCH OIL in Arkansas. If there’s one thing I hate more than someone who ruins everything, it’s Exxon. I mean, a tattletale.

On the real. Seriously. Stop tanning. Find another T to add to your GTL routine like, “Talk to friends” or “Try to touch toes.”

Do Me

Five Boro Story Project Presents: “I’m Tawkin’ Here!” (see also: “Get da’ fuck oudda heeyyyyeeeaah!”): Storytelling with a New Yawk accent. Coming to a different borough every Wednesday this month.

Eat Me

GET IN MY BELLY, bready, cheesy, pizza burger! You will be mine.

Egg muffins. Eat your heart out. And not even in like, a quasi-literal way because they are healthy.

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